Let ME SLEEP

In the previous blog you can see why i was hiding out this past Tues morning. I spend all Mon evening staying up late drawing and thinking about life. Tonight appears to be more of the same for me to bad i can't sleep in because i work at 8. So if you see a guy curled up on a couch potting because he has to go to work, it's me.

"keep a receipt" (pic & art)

This piece speaks to me on so many levels i feel that if i put it all down in one part that it will go on for days. It was early Tues morning when i finally completed it and wonder to myself why am i not sleep. It's 5 am and i should be in my own bed not watching tv.

The large part of the reason why i wasn't sleep is because i might have been processing all the knowledge i received that day about forgiveness. The movie stated that you 1st have to forgive yourself before you forgive someone else. It's one thing to yell out loud that you forgive someone else but to do so if something totally different. I told a friend that i forgave them for what has happened but now i find myself struggling trying to act in such a manner.

I could spend a lifetime super analyzing why i chose this medium, model, subject matter, and ultimately the complete works. There isn't enough time nor space for all of those things but i will touch on a couple of things before part ways. How i got the background paper which is actually a small display poster from my job. The company i work for is notorious for throwing always paper items regularly. I'm not Mr. Go Green but i do attempt to recycle when possible. I flirting with the idea of make a whole show completely out of the use paper and images that we're suppose to throw away.

Keeping with my go green message if you look closely most of the background is made up of receipts that i kept. Originally i kept a bounce of receipts that i was going to use but before i moved i shredded them all. Just so happens this past Sun morning i collected every receipt that i had thrown away yet and glued it down. The receipts aren't tied directly to any girls i've met but they stand for money that i wasted on females. The most i've ever lost in the learning process of love is $600 . Even now as i type it , i still struggle to forgive her for the way things turned out. i know for the most part i try to stay a positive person because my work training forces me to do so, but in this case it's very hard.

I'm not sure if this is Go Green Art or me having my own small revenge plot. I'm pretty sure that this i won't have any more artwork like this.

So i have a thing for Jennifer

I hate posting sometimes. I look at my work that i've drawn and i say to myself "this is off and i could've done so much better'. Looking at this photo side by side with my sketch leaves me a little incomplete. This is one of scenes from the movie that i utterly love Requiem for a Dream
when Jennifer Connelly's character walks with a camera harness strapped to her. The shot confirms that idea that she's sick to her stomach after what she's done. I don't want to ruin the plot but if you haven't seen this movie, it's eye opening.

106 years old and still single

Yesterday I found an article online that true senior citizen was still single and looking for the one. That idea put me at ease because i hear so many of my friends fearing the worlds greatest fear "i'll be single forever!" Which really isn't the case because as individuals we still have so much more work to do. There's a reason why things are the way they are. I want the next person to come along to get the best version of myself possible. I've been over-using the phrase but it's fitting here. We all have flaws but would you really want someone that you would spend more time rebuilding their self esteem rather than building a life together? I know i wouldn't. I don't think my thinking is backward or weird just honest.
Love is not a race that you have to run to the finish line. Everything takes time






http://www.carlow-nationalist.ie/tabId/511/itemId/4141/Single-girl-106-still-looking-for-a-man.aspx

Daisy is crying again?!

Reality TV is a car wreck that we can't turn away from. They are poisoning our minds one episode at a time. I use to huff and puff at my mom as she watched her normal nightly fix of shows: Dancing with the Star, So You Think You Can Dance, Wife Swamp, and the list goes on. I try my hardest to stay away from reality tv, especially the VH1 and E!'s on tv. They have taken the place of MTV as networks that gears towards the reality nature within all of us. Last week i found myself watching the Daisy of Love, which is another reality show in which everyone is reaching for the brass ring. I had briefly watched it before but this time around i was just using it for background music as i drew. Before I knew it i was hooked as i watched Daisy cry about every single thing humanly possible. The guys are fighting, i'm going to cry or a guy that left 8 episodes ago is coming back so i'm going to cry again are all things that she did [ within 1 episode]. Understandably there were 5 guys in her house but how can you have a "real" emotional connection with all of them? She explained with her abnormal lips that she has feelings for one and one. That doesn't make any sense to me. Honestly how is that possible, and at that point i turned it off. I tell my friends this all the time if you want to watch drama watch prime time tv. Don't watch these shows that do nothing but glorify the narrow-mindedness of this world. There is a show that does show nothing but people acting silly and it's called America's Most Funniest Home Videos, watch that instead.

Vampires in love??

After work last night i finally decided to do something that i been thinking about for some time. I rented Twilight out of curiosity because i've been more women madly enjoy with the book than any lustful novel.

I want to make it clear these are just my comment and i hopefully won't offend anyone by them.

Most of th girls i've seen wearing their Edward shirts or huddled in Barnes and Nobles reading the Twilight series are your average girl. Perhaps they feel a little socially awkward or emotional unsure of who they are as women. Honestly i can see why they love this book and movie. Bella, the female character is all those things as a teenager that falls head over heels in love with a guy. I think the casting directors knew what they were looking for when they picked both leads. They wanted a guy who was attractive and could be dark and mysterious even if he couldn't act. They wanted a girl who could be an average girl that could blend in the crowd. Bella isn't Megan Fox and perhaps will not blossom into her but then again they didn't make the movie for guys, it's for girls. I can see the draw for most girls, the love plot is rich with feelings and emotions. My romantic side can see that and is searching for that same raw emotion. I jokingly tell the girls at work when i'm being mean that girls like it. The women i know have this curious itch that makes them want to know what makes a guy tick. Why he is mean all the time? Why is he shy? I wonder why he's a bad boy? The same excitement about finding out the unknown is here in this movie. The bad part is that it's just an average movie. Vampires scaling tree tops like they running on their tip toes doesn't visually stimulate me. The actions scenes weren't that impressive and the best scene in the whole movie was shown in the trailer. Yet i watched it and survived a chick flick.

Norfolk Drawing Group 50

It's been a week since i've been this Tues night where i blending good artwork with bad sketches. I'm somewhat happy with how things turned out. I can draw better and that's what i keep telling myself. One of my favorite quotes for Michael Jordan is :

you're only as good as you're last jump shot.

I remember that i told my professor the same thing. I guess he figured me to be depressed beyond belief as he replied that i should have more confident in my work. Even after that brush with authority i still hold onto this theory. I feel that my artwork was ok but something greater is always around the corner. If i put something out for the world that isn't my best then that's will be the last thing they remember. It's sad to say that most of the time your flaws out way the triumphs in life. For example, look at Michael Jackson. People are celebrating his life in the same breathe that they're talking about her personal life (unpaid debt, his mental state, maternity of his children, etc., etc) and this is the same guy who had the best sales album of all-time.

So i'm smiling now what...

one of my friends recently told me that she never seen me smile in any of my picture. Especially after my last snapshots of a morning in the life of Tommy therefor i took this one. I am happy alot and smile and giggle whenever possible. Just as there are 2 sides to every coin there's also 2 sides to my own emotions. I strive for balance. I guess that's why i'm a libra.

when i woke this morning...

Mad Max was on the tv. Out of all the movies that could have possible be playing. Not to long ago i confronted myself with a painting of a scene. You can imagine that i didn't set out purposely to see this movie. However, it hammered thoughts in my head that have been there for a while that a curly haired girl haunts me. I hear lyrics from Q-Tip that says "It was all because of you" ringing in my head repeatedly. I think back to Tues night and who a curly brown haired girl caught my eye. Yesterday how i read asked me how i made a trip overseas. I had to revisit that encounter all over again. I also spoke with a friend in the early hours of this morning about lost love and opportunities. So i believe Mad Max was the icing on the cake this morning. I search in my mind for Zen moments in which i can entrap blanket states of happiness. I learn my thoughts on here knowing that in the future i will hopefully be better equipped.

"Sunbathing at Night" (pic & sketch)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Clark Family

I mentioned a while ago that my personal goal was to have everyone that i consider extremely close to me to have a drawing,painting, sketch in their household. This is one that i created for my friend Cara. Sadly her mother passed away earlier this year which left a hole within her that continuously slowly to heal. I guess overall people really don't think people really can wrap t heir head around the idea that it's a good chance that someone close will no longer be there the next day. It's a deep thought to have so that's why i've made it my mission to cherish those around me each and every day. I had started this sketch because i know she was coming into to town from Texas. I didn't know if i was going to personally give it to her then or mail it later. I'm kind of glad i did mail it later because sometimes we all need happy surprises.

Norfolk Drawing Group 49

Last Tues wasn't the typical drawing day for me. I forgot that there was a Tides game which ultimately ruins traffic on top of me leaving late. My sketches were not to the best of my ability but i guess that's why you practice in hopes of become better.

Eva Herzigova (pic & sketch) plus words of wisdom

I believe people are put in your life for certain reasons. I guess that would explain why i met some people in this past Fri. I was sitting in Panera (one of my few hiding places) sketching when i bumped into a Christian group sitting at table. They chatted me up to no end about everything from the t-shirt to i was wearing, adultery, volunteering in nursing homes, and overall just being a better person. I still have yet to come down of my personal emotional high that i've been on since taking a work-related trip t Richmond. I want to become a better person so i'm doing everything in my power to do so.

I promised myself each morning before i head to work i would go look inside of my Eastern philosophy books and pick out a passage. These passage will become a phrase that i would say throughout the day whenever i felt overwhelmed. Similar to that of a calming technique. Yesterdays phrase went something like:

"How can we end suffering until we agree not to suffer"

to me that means how can i expect to complete anything until i say i will no longer allow it to happen. that's' a deep phrase anyway you look at it. Wish me well and i'll attempt to pick out the ones that stick out in my travels.

Take a look in the mirror

i went to lunch for a friend over a week ago and it's shocking what you find in the men's bathroom. As i washed my hands i saw this sticker pasted to the mirror. Automatically i had to take a picture of it because i didn't know bathrooms were a place for PSAs. It makes sense being that the restaurant has a bar where people drink and most of the time they aren't using their best judgement.

a day in the life of Tommy

i wake up each morning if and i'm lucky i'll make up my bed. I know how to do it and it isn't hard but sometimes it may or may not get done

what being single allows you to do is keep as little food as humanly possible in your fridge. This is what a countdown between trips to the grocery store and paychecks look like

Sometimes i ask myself how excited are you to be going to work today. You can imagine it's harder to get motivated some days more than others.

The long journey doing the backdoor entrance to good Ol' Navy.

** sorry i can't take pictures when i working plus sometimes i'm to lazy to remember i take pictures when i left**

Different Set of Eyes II

sometimes the words other tell you are very important. Clarity is very important from time to time. The words my friend used made sense so much that i posted it for others. Not to expose to much about myself because i'm pretty much an open book, but to help others who might be in the same situation. So yes i'm 29 y.o and still learning to be a grown up when it comes to love.
(this is the neat glittery decorated notebook that she gave to me)

A Different Set of Eyes

i took a break from posting for a while. I attempted to draw back from checking online 1 million times a day. But i do miss posting therefor i'm here again. I borrowed this photo from a friend. I haven't picked up oil paints in ages (because i can't paint) therefor it seemed like an easy task.

Most of my female friends are unhappy with their body. "My arms aren't toned enough, my stomach should be flatter, my breast aren't big enough, or my hair won't grow" are all things that i haven't heard. Okay maybe the hair not growing is my own personal comment, but i don't think women really realize how special they are. If i ever had a show in the future i would create nothing but drawings and painting to show them that. Sometimes i feel like we see each other through the wrong set of eyes. What we see may not be what others see and vice versa.

Reflections

For reason that are somewhat out of my control i won't go into great detail. I'm simply say that i'm disappointed by some of the people that i hold special. I'm almost accustomed to them letting me down because they do that way to often. Sometimes these things in life can be like fireworks during the grand finale. One bigger than the one before that until i think it will never end. Honestly i have trust issues therefor i find it hard to believe what others tell me. If you claim your straight be one thing then act accordingly

"Untitled'

I finally opened a fortune cookie that i had laying around for some time. I'm always searching for knowledge and unthinking about places.

"If you have knowledge, let others light their candles by it"

that's what it read and now see myself bring those words along with me to work. It's one thing to be great but how can you expect others to succeed unless you teach them.

Months ago i watched Mad Max on TV, and i remember that there was something interesting about my attention to girls with curly hair. Especially one girl that i won't mention. The tears within my mind came as i remembered the past. The actress wasn't even that visually rememberable but the feelings that i saw were. So i borrowed a move image and did my own emotional attempt.

A Hideous Deformed Creature...

of superhuman size and strength. I know i have a habit of watching movies that make me question my own logic of wasted time that i can never get back. Somehow i stumbled upon the Toxic Avenger on the On Demand function on digital cable. The movie is cheesy and very over-the-top in all aspects (nudity, gore,and comedy) but i watched it because it remind me of my childhood. I remember some 20 plus years ago sitting in front of the TV Saturday evenings watching USA Network's "Up All Night" movies. The movies they showed were beyond bad sometimes other time they were down right horrible but faithfully i watched them anyways. i remember hearing buzz that The Toxic Avenger was a cult classic. As a kid anything that was a cult classic and above a PG rating i had to watch it. So i watched it and reminded myself what those over-the-top images did to me. Perhaps they made me the artist i am today? So within 2 days i had watched all 4 Toxic Avenger movies knowing well in advance what i was getting myself into. I even found a small piece of myself within one of the movies plot. Taking small amount toxic ooze on me this time in hopes that perhaps i will have some ideas for artwork.

Tori Cougar in Training (pic & sketch)

it's 3:28am and i should be asleep but i'm not. I should be sleep so no blogging this time

Coffee Shop Lounge Lizards Unite

(Kate)

Yesterday was my day off. Oh, how i love to be able to tell myself that I'm not going to do anything at all even remotely resembling work. I turn into a coffee shop lizard because i simply enjoy the laid back atmosphere. Yes i still don't drink coffee but i can have a cup of tea and blend in with the background.
The coolest thing about yesterday is that i had the chance to talk to my closest female friends in my life (that aren't family). I hate to say this but they're energizing to me. I enjoy having conversations with individuals that i can actually match ideas and theories with. I can't do that so freely with customers at work. It makes it kind of hard to do so when you have someone yelling at you because they paid cash and they don't have a receipt. If i forgot to mention, it's my fault as well.
Sarah and Cara are the 2 ladies in my life that catch up on me enough to keep me sane. I truly cherish their friendship and ideas.

"Empty Fantasies" (pic & sketch)

When i went to Richmond a while back i heard of a photographer that take takes pictures of parties all over the world. Since I'm a photo junkie that is always looking for new images to attempt to draw I visited the site. At first it might have appeared to be borderline art but i liked more than 1/2 the photos.
I've been playing around with markers on and off for a while and i thought this would be the idea time to give it a serious attempt. The title of this piece "Empty Fantasies" could mean various things to me. Is it the belief that chasing money, women, material goods will always leave a huge hole within a person? Possibly it's the belief that my nostalgic personality has me constantly yearning for the past? Or just maybe it's the idea that the act of sex brings only moments of happiness only to be the ultimate let down? It could mean all those things but maybe i simply wanted to create something beautiful for a change.

the website in question is http://lastnightsparty.com

Norfolk Drawing Group 47 & 48

i don't know how i felt about both drawing nights. i don't want to say that i wasn't excited to be there because i was. The magic of drawing sometimes comes and goes but it is by no means a reflection of the model.