Portrait of a Broken Man/ My Phone Never Rang

I had one friend tell me that my blog made her sad as i wrote about my personal experiences. Another decided to check up on me to make sure that i had not taken a horrible downwards spiral. I have flashes of happiness. I wish i could preach that everything was all rainbows and blue skies but it isn't. But as i said i still have flashes of happiness and sometimes that's enough to keep me going.

I wrote a couple of weeks ago that i was going to start a self portrait trilogy. This isn't going to be a pretty journey inside of me. This is will be honest and truthful about my feelings.

If i had to describe what heartache feels like it would be like having hunger pains from not eating all day and then getting punched in your stomach. It hurts, it stings and it never seems to go away. Most of the females i talk to have the typical task of waiting for a guy to call them. Checking their phones periodically, their emails, as they attach every single hope and pray that their person of choice will be on the other end. Quite often that response if any never occurs, but they aren't alone. Guys go through these same experiences as well and more important i have. So often in fact that i wanted to document it in a drawing. If it was possible for me to take a picture of me at my "most hurt" then i would have but instead i staged this picture which i believe is very close. I look back at this moment and i feel silly for saying not only did i want this person to call but i waiting for a call that never happen.