The wonderful thing about this vacation is that it's allowed me plenty of time to think about all the things that i really didn't get a chance to do so. One of the largest revelations over the last couple of weeks has been my ability to let go of the past. I harbored a lot of anger and bitterness towards a lot of people. Whether it has been ex-girlfriends, friends, or workers I've allowed me myself to come to terms with what has happened and no longer blame them. The funny part about it all is that my artwork is driven by this hurt and pain, so where does that leave my artwork now? I've even went as far as to reconnect with an old friend and tell her that the past is the past (i don't think anyone has ever hurt me as much as she did).I'm not sure exactly why i hold on to some mementos of my past but i do. I was searching through some letters and photographs of a friend that i haven't seen in a while. Within moments i remembered all those wonderful times and experiences we shared together. Some of the best experiences that I've ever shared with a female has been emotional ones. It's hard to believe that not because it's comes from a guy but due to societies standards on what intimacy or relationships really mean. In one theory in life certain people have mental connections that even though they may not see each other if the emotions are strong enough they will know someone else is thinking about them. I wonder if she knows?
I'm still scared to carry my drawing book with me everywhere i go without any insecurities How else can i record some of the randoms that occurs within my life without? I've experience more than my share of randoms. I'm even more terrified to carry a camera with me and i understand that this a huge flaw because snapshots are life's little reminder about events. From this moment forward i plan on working on both of them.
I love movies and at the same time i have a hard time watching movies that shake up and jar emotions within me. I rented "Definitely, Maybe" this past week and I've been watching bits and pieces here and there trying hard not to relate it towards my own life. Part of me feelings it's the right movie for me to watch at this moment and time so i HAVE to watch it. Hopefully it's help me grow as a person a little bit more. Ryan Reynolds has a very dry comic humor to him that i enjoy watching. With that being said i have to finish the movie before i return it to the movies store on Tues. So wish me luck.
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