Inside Me Vol. 1: Rising Never Falling

The wonderful thing about this vacation is that it's allowed me plenty of time to think about all the things that i really didn't get a chance to do so. One of the largest revelations over the last couple of weeks has been my ability to let go of the past. I harbored a lot of anger and bitterness towards a lot of people. Whether it has been ex-girlfriends, friends, or workers I've allowed me myself to come to terms with what has happened and no longer blame them. The funny part about it all is that my artwork is driven by this hurt and pain, so where does that leave my artwork now? I've even went as far as to reconnect with an old friend and tell her that the past is the past (i don't think anyone has ever hurt me as much as she did).


I'm not sure exactly why i hold on to some mementos of my past but i do. I was searching through some letters and photographs of a friend that i haven't seen in a while. Within moments i remembered all those wonderful times and experiences we shared together. Some of the best experiences that I've ever shared with a female has been emotional ones. It's hard to believe that not because it's comes from a guy but due to societies standards on what intimacy or relationships really mean. In one theory in life certain people have mental connections that even though they may not see each other if the emotions are strong enough they will know someone else is thinking about them. I wonder if she knows?


I'm still scared to carry my drawing book with me everywhere i go without any insecurities How else can i record some of the randoms that occurs within my life without? I've experience more than my share of randoms. I'm even more terrified to carry a camera with me and i understand that this a huge flaw because snapshots are life's little reminder about events. From this moment forward i plan on working on both of them.


I love movies and at the same time i have a hard time watching movies that shake up and jar emotions within me. I rented "Definitely, Maybe" this past week and I've been watching bits and pieces here and there trying hard not to relate it towards my own life. Part of me feelings it's the right movie for me to watch at this moment and time so i HAVE to watch it. Hopefully it's help me grow as a person a little bit more. Ryan Reynolds has a very dry comic humor to him that i enjoy watching. With that being said i have to finish the movie before i return it to the movies store on Tues. So wish me luck.

Friday Night at the Fairgrounds

i had to draw the guy in red on purprose because everytime i tried to draw the guy singing he got in the way. He ALWAYS was on his cell phone!!

I had no clue that when i went to the Fairgrounds this past Fri night that it was going to be live music. Apart from being at a normal coffee house setting, people that listen to music actually don't move as much. The mood overall was very light i fit nicely into a small ledge that i drew on. I call it a ledge because not only would my smallest drawing board not fit up there but my drawing notebook barely fit as well. I sat on a stool as everyone around me seem to meet and greet each other. It gave me a great opportunity to draw the musicals and the onlookers. I also had time to think about what type of women that I'm attracted to. I guess you could say artist because I'm an artist but it's anyone who's a singer, musical, poet or anyone that has an emotional outlet. I was listening to two girls sing and i felt comfort behind their voice. It's hard to say what it was i was entranced.

Colley St's Starbucks

I had coffee with Sarah who is one of my best female friend. I love going to Starbucks not for the coffee because I'm not a coffee person. It gives me a chance to people watch and being as busy as it was this Sat there were more than enough people to make up stories and tales about. Anyone who's familiar with this Starbucks knows that it's in the Ghent area of Norfolk where people are always walking, running, riding their bikes, hand and hand with children. It's a nice mixture for any artist to fall in love with. There are just some of the small sketches and i knocked out in what little time i attempted to do so. Hopefully the next time i go there i'll do a better job and getting sketches done.

"Nude vs. Naked"

I know my mom doesn't understand this theory at all but i enjoy drawing nude models. I don't pin point the reason for anyone at all but it's something that's indescribable about it all. I have to tell this story because the picture is actually involved in it. Not to long ago i ordered a book of nude models for me to practice and study my craft of drawing. I left it downstairs in the kitchen and my mom ran across it as expected she didn't get the theory behind it. "Oh my god" she said as she tossed it on my steps that lead up to my room. Her extremely closed Christian mind didn't understand why her son would draw nude people. I wish i could say it's something sexual and I'm just acting out on my romantic fantasy but that isn't it at all. It's more sensual than it is sexual. There's something semi-private that you're sharing with the world. So often people hide behind almost everything that conceivable but without any clothes where can you hide?

Just to make it clear the difference between 'Nude" and Naked" is that nude is done tastefully (for example playboy or playgirl spreads) while naked is something that is extremely rough.

i almost forgot the name of this piece is "She Found Comfort in His Clothes"

Hellyboy (sketch)

I draw alot during while my breaks at work. It's a way of venting and a way of releasing why i'm frustrated. I had this picture of Hellboy that i wanted to draw and i want to have somewhat of a teaser type drawing. I wanted to allow the white of the paper to show and fade into the background. It's simply Liberating!!

Norfolk Drawing Group XVIII

For all those who are on vacation at the moment i know they can really understand how i feel. It feels good to have to do nothing at all today. I haven't done much. I cut down my television experience for today and I'm currently attempting to finish a book in 2 day. I'm not a true reader who devours book after book. I'm a nibble style reader.

Normally i try to skip out on gesture drawing not because i don't enjoy quick sketches but because i enjoy taking my time while drawing. Rushing is the worst thing possible for my style because it starts off so sketchy that i need the time to force. Some of the others in the drawing group do rather quickly and once they had their first hard line it's pretty much a lock. Hannah was this past meeting model and honestly i remember her for one of my earlier sessions. Needless to say at the time i knew no one at all let alone remembered any one's name but i recall sketching her in oil pastels. Not a good one..lol She was a fantastic model for a first timing and i applaud her for having the courage to model before a group of people. So if she ever see this cheers to Hannah.

I'm a Libra!!!

i know i'm only suppose to be posting new artwork but this digs a little into my personal life. Yesterday was my sister's b-day and funny enough i drew this picture some time ago because it symbolized all things that being young should be. The whole world is laying out in front of you and everything seems to be at your fingertips.
I've had these thoughts rolling around in my head for some time but i never got the chance to actually write out what i was feeling. I know this maybe seen as a ramble but it's a blog. I feel that we all are looking for our equals and we generally drift towards each other until we find one. In the movie Unbreakable Mr. Glass, the villain was looking for his counterpart in the hero played by Bruce Willis. I'm in the same sort of search but somewhat. If anyone was to ask me why i'm single that would be the reason. I haven't found someone that compliments my style. Yes, i've come pretty close over the years but never anyone who matched me 100% for an extended amount of time. Oddly enough my life is centered around being balanced and it just so happens that my astrology sign is scales. I attempt to balance everything within my life no matter how small or big. I guess that's part of the reason why i'm single because i enjoy my freedom. Oh well..

"Touching the Core"

I don't want to say that i stock pile drawing but i have plenty of different drawing that i would like to draw that i have yet to complete. Actually this picture of Cara is from her online profile that she used. I've learned when you draw people as often as i have you have a connection with them. The connection grows deeper once you know them on a personal level. The more common things become the better the drawing becomes because it transcends color and lines on a surface.
This drawing started off as simply a pen drawing (something which i haven't attempted in some time) and grew into stretching/reaching for markers to complete it. I tried my best to use the color sparingly so they didn't' become the focal point of the piece.

** Now what really happened which luckily is a good thing for me is i got a chance to talk to Cara about this piece. Sometimes you need a 2nd set of eyes to see what is actually not working with art work. She pointed out some small details which i corrected (her chin was to long and her bust was extremely stylized.). So now this almost looks like a finished drawing.**

"Tightly Closed Eyes = Wishes" pic & sketch

I't goes without saying that i draw Ashley V. alot. I've plugged her website before because she does take amazing photos. When i first saw this picture i knew there were something special about it. Just as easily as i'm drawn to people i'm also drawn to photos of people. I enjoy drawing people because that's something interesting about the human form that can't come across the same way as material drawings can.

"Angela Seriously?!" pic and drawing

The funny thing about working at Old Navy is that it teaches you to never expect anything is going to last forever. Just as easily as you could be accustomed to working with someone for years it all can change within days, hours, or minutes. Angela is no expect to this fact. The last thing i remember is that she was on vacation before i was and then when i got back from my own personal vacation she was gone. Her position was eliminated and she chose not to stay on board with the team. This isn't a tribute to Angela it's just a picture that i took one day not knowing that one day i would end up drawing it at Old Navy (of all places).

"The Lab"

I often refer to my room as 'the lab" because it's where i do most of my artist endeavors. For example, i basically never sleep thru the night unless i'm sick or tired. Somewhere around 2 or 3AM i'll awake and and begin painting or drawing. Simply doing something creative. Just this morning i finished a pieces i had started and pushed to the side. My main problem is that there's so much that i have yet to finish laying around my room because my brain be all over the place from time to time. Just from looking at the photoes there are at least 1 unfinished piece in each of the pictures that i've yet to finish. So much work to do so little time but the good thing is that i'm on vacation next week. Work will not be a good reason enough to slow me do. Just me and my art work.

"Steph Luva"

This is actually the 2nd time I've had the opportunity of drawing Stephanie. it's funny how when you rewind time in your mind that the smallest things blossom into something bigger. More than 6 years ago i had just changed my major from education to fine arts. My first semester in a room full of people that i would later call friends i met Stephanie. Hundreds of gesture drawing and behind my drawing board listening a a CD player i noticed something special about Stephanie. I had no clue what it was but it was something. Faster forward some years later inside Lynnhaven mall i saw her walking by Old Navy's store window. The curiosity alone made me look at her page and filter through her photos.

Shannyn Sossamon "Shannyn was a DJ" (pic and sketch)

I'm in awe with people who seems to struck others with their beauty. Shannyn is one of those people that once i saw her in the movie Knight's Tale. I was amazed at how pretty she actually is but it was something more than that. I truly haven't met this woman nor do i know anything about her personally. With that being said, i was watching the American version of One Missed Call and i was reminded of her. My brain works a little differently so i then proceed to find pictures of her in which to draw. My love of music and dj-ing something that I've never tried lead to draw this pictures.

Norfolk Drawing Group XVII

I apologize for not posting in a while but my time has been a little stretched at the moment.

I'm a little upset with myself for actually not being at the drawing group on time. Unfortunately work has come to first,but that's another blog all together. This past weeks model was one of the more pleasant ones than we've had in a while. Not to many of them will actually go out and chill with us after the drawing session is over with. My only complaint if any was that all the guys were talking to her which in turned caused her to respond and it was a little hard to draw her face correctly with all that going on. These sketches aren't bad but they could be better

"Melody" & "classy"

It was this past Monday when i hit my artist stride to say the least. I was sitting in Fairground drawing and trying to find my artist vibe. It was the perfect way do something useful with my day off that wasn't sleeping. I have 2 other drawings that i haven't posted due to one being unfinished and a small error in the other.

Norfolk Drawing Group XVI

Honestly i really needed to go to the drawing group this week and it didn't not disappoint. I skipped out last week due to a sorry excuse of traffic and not having my painting supplies therefor i couldn't miss it this week. The funny thing is the same model that was there the very first time i went was there again. There's still more stories that involve drinking, air hockey, and good friends but i'll have to share them another time.

"Just Because I Don't See You Anymore"

There are a couple of things i can be upset about this past week but I'm going to attempt to do the opposite and look on the bright side. Yes i did received yet another rejection letter from a juried show. I believe that shows me how much harder that i have to work and that ultimately i don't need a juries approve to do what i like. I truly feel for those who never know what it's like to fail at something because they never appreciate when things finally do go their way. As problematic as life may seem one of my favorite quotes is "it can't rain always."


Now that i vented a little bit i can talk about this next piece with a clear head. There are some pieces of art that i haven't even attempt to get started on them because they are so persona. while others that simply sit in the corner due to frustration. I blogged some time ago that i watched "The End of the Affair" before i had to go to work. Caught up in the plot of the movie i wrote down some small quotes that i would later hopefully apply to some of my artwork. I do this from time to time with movies, songs, book, etc. Anything that can spark my creative juices. I've been notorious for borrow pictures or ads and putting my own personal twist on them. The quote from the movie that truly applies to this pictures is "just because i don't see you anymore doesn't mean i don't love you". Hopefully I'm not alone when i say that I've lost someone special in my life due to situations that were out of my control. I'm to frustrated to go to a mountain top and scream it or to even waste words, but my artwork is there.

Tina (pic & drawing)

Honestly this is the third or maybe four picture that I've drawn of Tina. I'm not sure if it's because she is a pretty lady or the pose ( in the picture) but it found me after some time. Honestly just as quickly as i picked the picture i also decided which way i wanted to present it as well. The original is actually from some model pictures that she took. I chose to use red watercolors and color pencils to show display a more sensual mood. I removed her hands because it i believe it made her appear to seductive without trying to hard.