What color would your pain be?

Sometimes i hate trying to convince myself that i'm strong enough to do somethings when i know that i'm not. But just like those who see and know all the caution signs i do it anyways. I really truly want to take certain people and just completely erase them from my life all together. Better yet put them and everything that reminds me of them in a box. Sadly to say i have a box like that. I can't explain who they've crippled me and to what point that i feel like damaged goods. Regardless of what happens between now and then, i know the scar will always remain. So i guess the color of my pain is blue

Courage courage, show some courage

I encourage those who love music to ask your friends to make a CD. Not of music that they know you would love because they play it everyday on the radio. But of something that they like or love that isn't mainstream. I'm a firm believer that you learn more though exploration than anything else. I've found so many different artist just by researching one group then another and it's a cycle that doesn't end. It's the closest thing to 7 degrees of separation that i know of. Currently thanks to work, i've found The Whitest Boy Alive and Vampire Weekend. Somehow they've weaseled their way into my ipod playlist and i'm happy that i've them.
Oddly enough it doesn't even stop with music either. My of my drawing friends, Devon sent me a link to a movie that opened my eyes. Luckily it was a movie that was on google that wasn't illegally downloaded by me. Kidulthood was the movie great that it inspired me to be more creative. I was amazed by that one of the actors not only wrote it but also starred in the movie. Now that's talent that i can't even manage. As a self proclaimed artist makes me feel lazy.

an Open Letter

The left is more cover art for a letter yet to be mailed.

It's Saturday and raining outside and i don't want to do or go anywhere at all. It's my 1st day off of back to back days. This week as been an interesting week of week. I would've thought that most of the people that i clock in and clock out with would understand that i'm very rarely a serious person. Of course when the time comes and when things are called for i put on my i'm in charge/listen to me/ i know what i'm talking about mask when i have to. I don't want to but then again it is my job and they are still paying me. Through conversations this week i've found out that my joking nature has offending some people, yet again. What really makes me uneasy is that fact that they know how i am. They know that i do joke and sometimes if heard in the wrong context could be seen as a put down put most of the time it isn't. Honestly what i wanted to say is : "all those million other times we joked around was ok but this time i said something and now you've decided you got your feelings hurt . Because i'm being cruel or mean, just get real", but i didn't. Instantly i have flash backs about 10 years ago when i was working at Tj Maxx and i had to tell one of the girls working that a manager wanted to see her in the office. i jokingly said "Nice, working with you!" and can you believe this grown women [yes she was older] didn't talk to me for 3 weeks unless it was work related. I remember her name like yesterday, Linda was the same grown women who i've joked with on numerous things previously got upset because i said that one joke. Of course, my manager called me in the office to let me know i hurt my co-workers feelings. Now we're full circle again and i'm still upset as i would've been 10 years ago.

My main theory is i enjoy keeping the mood light because we have so many other stressful things to worry about in life. Work should be a place you enjoy going to not a place you can't wait to leave.

I want to let you now that if i really wanted to hurt your feelings i would've. I'm not a malice person nor do i plan to ever be but now i'm not even sure if i should open my mouth to say hi.

However what i am doing is removing all those backhanded joking comments from work. I don't want to be in the office with Human Resources explaining why i told a co-worker to "get out of my face!" (which i do use as a joke).

Norfolk Drawing Group # 54

Honestly, i didn't even want to go out to drawing this past Tues. night. Like most things once you get out of the habit of doing them they becomes easier and easier to forget about them. I missed 1 week because i was tired then the following week because i was tired as well but i knew something was missing. One of my good friends pointed out to me that all i do is work and go home and as sad as that sounds she was right. The truth is always the hardest thing to swallow. After work Tues i was tired and i felt like i worked 8 days in a roll. i was dragging along more than normal because i stopped taking caffeine pills (which i know aren't healthy). I took my collection of art supplies and a cup from 7-11 and headed into the group. No matter how long i've been away due to my own behaviors or work it always feels like home when i come in. It's the closest thing possible i can compare to the show Cheers. I really don't enjoy "penis night" as some might like to call it. Male models are ok and for the most part they all can model but by nature i prefer the female form. After looking at the collection of my sketches it wasn't a bad night. Only one small goof that can be seen in the greenish sketch but overall i'm happy with them.

Michael Richard (pics and sketches)

This piece i struggled with not because of the nature of it but because i tried to perfect it. What's the point of drawing or painting if you consider yourself to be a realist and it doesn't look like the person in question. I have a habit of tearing up and throwing away drawings that don't resemble the person in question. That's my main purpose for drawing. In the meantime i've been piecing together sketches that aren't as time consuming as this one. By doing so i give myself a sense of accomplishment because i did complete something.

I'm not sure exactly how i came up with the idea of using Michael Richards for a piece. I was searching for an image and his face came up. I didn't plan it but i became in grossed with his most recent public blunder. Not to long ago he was performing in a comedy club and used the N word quite regularly in an attempt to combat being heckled. Living in the cellphone generation that we're in his antics were recorded and played over and over again on every publication of media. Since this eruption he's fallen off the face of the earth. Oddly enough there has been others who've made racist, sexist, and even sexual orientation remarks and still be given a second chance.

As an artist i have a responsibility to record history. I also have a responsibility to myself to use my wit in my . I can also spoon feed you the way and give you clear cut defined answers similar to a hot plate from a diner but i'm smarter than that. More importantly i believe that my audience is smarter than that. I want my audience to say "yes that is Michael Richards and what's that over his mouth and on his shirt?!" Art is all about examining yourself and your subject and hopefully i've done both.

Power is given to words and the tone in which the words are you. For example you can utter the phrase "i love you" but if you don't believe it then why use the words at all. But that's another blog topic for another day.

It's not Bravo, Bravo but Borjo, Borjo!!

Whenever i'm not working i typically find some place to hide away at. My idea place at the moment is Borjo which is right by the campus of ODU. It has the usual coffee shop traffic and people but it seem to be like home for me. I can't sure what exactly my allure is to coffee shops. Which is even weirder is i don't drink coffee! I guess i find it appealing because for the most part scholars go to coffee shops. People are studying, working, surfing the net all while i draw. This is also the common ground for Sarah and myself to meet. We've labeled such outings as friend dates, which is cute and fun. We talk about everything and nothing seems to be off limits.

This past Sunday, Sarah was playing on my ipod touch.. she's very involved at the moment.

Ashley Dupre in "Sleep my Love" (pic & sketch)

Sometimes you stumbled onto interesting pictures and you find yourself drawing to photos. I don't know exactly who Ashley is nor have i ever met her before. Most people look at peace when they're sleeping in photos even if they're playing.
this sketch kind of got away from me a little. It was suppose to be a serious one only using one color pencil but i i used two. The more i look at it the more i realize that i'm not to happy with it. It need to darken some areas in to make it pop out more.

You've got Mail

This week has been a good week so far. Not because i had my standard 2 day off from work. It has to do with the simple fact that i received mail this week. Normally i would boast or brag about it but the package i received was the best i've gotten in ages. There's something glorious about getting mail that makes me feel like a little kid. I simply can't wait until i get back to my apartment and i'm tearing open the letter searching for traces of endearment. It reminds me of the days where my mom would always pack up these special packages for my dad while he was away at sea. She would always have me draw something massive design of what i thought he was doing on the ship. It wasn't pretty to say the least for kids art.

It's no secret that i use to write letter and send packages regularly. It's something sneaky about the fact that i've frozen time for a moment, took my thoughts, and mailed them to someone special. Honestly i've done some pretty good artwork over the past couple of years but due to the fact that no one really cares to get a letter i stopped. Until recently where i've started all over again with trying to create some interesting covers. I like to call these pieces as ship-able art. I wonder sometimes as i'm drawing well these letter be viewed in the future as something great that i've done.

Norfolk Drawing Group 51 - 53

i tried playing around with techniques i haven't tried in some time. Sometimes things look really good and impressive other time they look like "blah"

She Knows ............which songs i like

She Knows is a catchy tune that i found myself overplaying on my ipod. I don't know why but it's something gritty about Gnarls Barkley that i like.
I'm a huge fan of Ipod's genius function becuase it allows me more time than i like to admit it picks out the right songs to fit my mood. this was my last one that genius chose for me:

Carpenters - Rainy Days and Mondays
Elton John - I'm Still Standing
Tears for Fears - Head over Heels
Sting & the Police - Don't Stand So Close to me
Dido- Thank You
Madonna- Take a Bow
No Doubt - Don't Speak
The Cure - Love Song
Michael Jackson - Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Duran Duran - Ordinary World
The Rolling Stones - Play with Fire
Jem - It's Amazing
The Bangles - Manic Monday
Lily Allen - LDN
Tears for Fears - Shout
Sting - Shape of my Heart
Madonna - Secret
Michael Jackson - Dirty Dianna
No Doubt - Simple Kind of Life
Duran Duran - Planet Earth
Janet Jackson - All Nite
Sting = Fragile
Madonna - Die Another Day
Lenny Kravitz - Fly Away
Tears of Fears - Sowing the Seeds of Love

I'll be drawing tonight but i believe that my artwork is a direct reflection of what music i listening to.