Me & The Soloist

While my sister was in town before her latest stint of heading to Johnson's & Whales again she let me borrow some movies. I thought i was a movie junkie but apparently i was wrong. My sisters are massed a collections of movies that makes my small collection look more like a yard sale variety. I borrowed The Last House on the Left and The Soloist. I really won't touch on The Last House on The Left to much because it was exactly what i expect it to be and from what i can tell 10x better than the original.

However The Soloist truly spoke to my artist side. Both leading actors worked well together and showed a range of character that allowed them to step away from the a-typical roles. One main phrase leaped off the screen and into my mind. Friends try to hard to change each other to force them to conform to what they believe is correct. Instead we should just accept others for who they are. I've struggled with that idea as i watched a younger friend wonder this way though life not really challenging himself at all. It even got to the point that our mutual friends as well as his mother wanted to have an intervention style of act of his life's progress.

I also felt the creative juices as i like to call it from Jamie Foxx's character as he worked himself into a zone where there was nothing but his music. It's hard for me to explain to others that feelings to be so artistically in tune with your medium that nothing else matters. The closest thing that most people have is when they read a book and better they know it 3 pages turn into 30 pages. Soon the entire book is finished and they are begging for the ride not to be over. That's how i feel when i pick up a pencil, pen, marker, paint brush, etc to create. I'm engrossed in something that is so liberating and expressive that i don't want it to let go. It's a natural high of sorts that i can't get from drinking, drug or anything else.

It Was the Day after Thanksgiving...

I awoke Friday morning early from a dream about a former girlfriend. In theory at least you would think you can control your dreams but this time i couldn't. I won't go into great detail with what actually happened but the end result was my dream mocked me. It spelled out the same fate that i know would happen in real life. One moment of weakness would eventually give way to reality of which is a broken heart. It doesn't pay to be a hopeless romantic in your dreams.

Since i haven't had a day after Thanksgiving off in ages i declared this year that i was not going to get caught up in the madness. I did what little shopping i was going to online. 3am or 5am for some people came and went and i slept in my bed. The reason being because there was nothing i could not live without in the stores. I hate to admit it but consumers in general get caught up in the price tag and not the season. I know this is the giving season and certain gifts would be perfect for others but is that truly the gift we're giving?The best gift you could give someone would be love and that's something you can't put a price tag on. I catch myself not saying that because i've been in the retail business for 14 years. I'm suppose to be a trained machine that pushes and drives sales but off the clock i should be able to speak my mind. I find myself questioning people's logic sometimes and i watch their behaviors. For example this is a real conversation that took place at Old Navy between me and some customers as i was attempting to straighten up a table:

Me:Hey Ms, what size are you looking for? I might be able to help you out
young girl: I looking for these tanks tops in a mediums
Me: Here's, a medium here! ( as i pull out a brown and blue tank)
young girl: nope, i don't' want that color? I was looking for something warmer (color)
Me: If you can tell me what color you're looking for i can help you out?
oung girl: Honestly i don't know what i'm looking for!
young girl: Sorry about the mess!
young girls mother replies: what are you apologizing for, you didn't make this mess?!

I should have screamed at the mother or barked her for teaching her daughter bad habits but i didn't. Instead i watched the sweat bubbled up on my bald head and i smiled my devilish grin. Just in case you don't' believe that scenario i'll give you another one that just shows how wit goes a long way. I was at the dreaded women's denim wall. It is a prove fact that once our denim goes on sale women lose their minds. They don't know what style/fit they want just that they want this color in their size. Our company has made it easier for women by only having 3 styles and even that seems to much for their "i'm happy there's a sale going on" mind frame. I was folding denim at that wall when a lady comes out. She's there with her boyfriend or husband and she begins to do pull out denim without really looking at the size. Then she rolls it back up and shoves it in the wall. About this time i'm getting a little frustrated but instead i ask " Hey Ms, what size are you looking for, i might be able to help you out?" She replies "Oh i'm just looking!" This is the moment with the brutal honesty and wit kicks in as i jokingly say " Well Ms, you look with your eyes, not with your hands." That's the top shelf sarcasm that can either make people mad or happy but i was being honest.

I want to apologize for my comment that women shopper were the worst thing ever created. No, it's not all shopper just the one that shop ever place i've worked at. How can you shop through a table that's already a mound of shirts as tall if not taller than you? Yes, our t-shrit tables weren't fully recovered but that didnt' stop them from digging and sling shirts aside just find the gem they were in search of. Why would you pick up a size that isn't even the one you want to buy just to look at it? Ladies if you're a large dont' pick up the x-small to see if you like it then roll it up and throw it back down. Perhaps i'm must frustrated because of my insane work schedule [ Fri 12pm-1:30am, Sat 8am - 5:20pm] or just maybe i'm over the holidays all together. People wonder why i don't like this time of year!!

Rachelle (pic & sketch)

I feel in love with this pictures when i realized what i had taken that evening. That Halloween night my Richmond friends had mixed drinking, dancing and laughs all evening. Rachelle was playing around with Maria's mask at Tobaccos & Company. I know it's only an attempt at a monochromatic sketch but this is what i did on my break at lunch. Even seeing it now it could use some fine tuning.

Jayelnn

i was wondering around on facebook a couple of weeks ago and from time to time i found good profile pics. This is one of that i did of a girl i know Jayelnn

rose sketches for a friend

Yet another case where i had my reference photos that i don't exactly know how well they'll work for me.

here is my initial attempt in my sketch book. I never really know where i'm going until i get there

I fully understand how to use color pencils and sometimes they can be challenging but honestly i'm not jumping for joy over this sketch. It's just a so-so version to me.

Not so often i get a challenge of drawing a sketch that seems like a cool idea. My friend Eric wanted a black rose sketch for himself. Therefor i attempted to give him something that was more masculine with hard, gritty edges and i like this one better than the color pencil one. It just seems more fun to do.

Norfolk Drawing Group 60

One of my first back to back sessions that i've done in some time. The normal crowd of artist were back which is refreshing. Somehow on a rainy evening as well as a couple of days before a holiday i managed to bring my body out that evening. I had been nursing a splitting headache the whole day and thanks to some meds my dad gave me i still had the energy to draw. The talented Emily was the modeling that evening and even if my sketches can prove it she's very graceful in her ability to hold a pose.

Norfolk Drawing Group 59

The sad thing is that i skipped the previous week due to the fact that i was living off my credit card for almost 2 weeks. That's a very crazy story that i'll save for a later date. There i was, i had missed a months worth of drawing sessions and came back on the busiess night of the fall. One of the fellow members, Mark had brought his class to the group to do some real model drawing. I found my small nook and attempted to do some drawing. Overall i had a good time, i would've have changed it for anything in the world. If only for a moment at least everything felt right and i felt at home. Plus of the 4 sketches that i did, the only one that i would consider throwing away would be the reclining one. I would consider that to be a win-win situation.

My Vision Board

I remember a little over a year ago i was watching Oprah and 2 girls were talking about their vision board. Things that they wanted to do, where it be something short term or long term. They also were ensuring that they were making the right steps to achieve those goals. However i don't have a board but why writing it here perhaps it will serve as mine. There goals are in no certain order at all.



1. i want to go to London. Perhaps to study art but more than anything this is always been a place that i saw myself living. It would be even cooler if i could make it to the Olympic in 2012.

2. I want to quit working retail. It's not the life i'm suppose to live. i continue to go because there's some certain lesson i'm suppose to learn. Something that i'm just not that sure of at the moment. I believe soon i won't have to do that any more.


3. I want to go to Universal Studio again. It's been almost 10 years since i went last time on a romantic getaway. Since i love roller coaster this is one of my favorite theme parks that isn't just a theme park to go to.


4. I want to go back to school and get my Masters. Something easily i could do at any given moment but i also want to get the university to pay for me to go to school. That's the tricky part that i haven't been looking into but i should.


5. i want another art show. Not just any thrown together one like i had last time but i want a serious one. The first one i did was okay for my first one but like all sequels the next should be bigger and better.


6. I want to go to Tokyo, Japan. This place has been calling my name for some time. Even though it would be completely out of my comfort zone to be somewhere that people may have a hard time understanding me i still want to go. Perhaps like London it's the Asian side of me wanting to gain a greater knowledge from a journey there. Plus i can be Bill Murray from Lost in Translation.



7. I want to go watch Duke play a home basketball game. I've been a huge Duke basketball fan since i fell in love with them in the early 90s. Once i hopped on that bandwagon i never got off. The true draw for me is the exciting atmosphere at one of their home games. I want to be among the Camron Crazies that make the game more than a real life experience to be a part of.


8. I want to go to Wrestlemania. I've been a wrestling fan a large part of my life well over 20 years of my life. This simple fact is driven home by the idea that i would drive 3 to 4 hours tomorrow to Washington DC , plus pay $300 for a ringside seat at a ppv event. I know it's fake and it's scripted but nothing has been able to break me away from this form of entertainment. Wrestlemania for all wrestling fans is the mecca of the events. People from all over the world come to watch that show for one night and simply to say they were apart of it all. I've missed 2 maybe 3 opportunities so far but i don't see myself missing any more if they come close enough.

No, the Noreaster storm isn't outside.. it's inside of me!!

It's been nothing but gray skies and rain for the past couple of days and i'm tired. Even though i shouldn't be stressed because of work i'm drained by fighting the endless battle of customer service. However what i do isn't customer service at all it's just weathering the storm being a complaint department. I can snicker now but it's not even officially holiday season. I've turned off my phone and there's nothing better to do than to wrap myself up in a blanket and simply sleep. TV serves as the perfect companion for days like this.

Like Water in Your Hands

It might have been a typical Tuesday for everyone else but for me it was a little different. I enjoy my solitude because it allows me to think and reflect. I refer to myself as being very zen-like at times. This past week the idea of love popped into my head. Love is sometimes like water in your hands. You try very hard to control, squeeze, and cradle it but in the end it always leaves.

I spoke previously about a friend of mine having a birthday this week. I thought back to the time where our relationship was slowly fading away. At that time it was like water in my hands. I did everything to revive feeling to regain that spark and still drifted apart. I'm constantly reminded that i couldn't have been the person i am today nor would i have meet those people i call friends without situations like this.

Acts of Random Thoughts Vol. 1

I want a peaceful night of sleep where i don't wake up


I find myself addicted to Matlock. I watch it every morning that i don't have to work or have off. My day starts after that show goes off.


I love movies with messages. The last one that i watched was The Men Who Stare At Goats and i currently watching 7 Pounds at work during my lunch breaks.


Watching couples out in public makes me sad from time to time


Today is an old friend's b-day.


My new work motto is : I am only one person and i'm going to control what i can control. I'm going to do things to the best of my ability and most importantly not stress myself


i want to write something meaningful. i think i lost my mojo.

I don't' know why, but for some reason i like this song but then again i like alot of music that Ryan Leslie creates.

Excerpts from yesterday

I recently found a little black book i had completely forgotten about. i had chalked it up to something that i lost a long time ago. But fishing through my dad's glove compartment i found this moleskin book. Currently that is a trendy thing for fellow artist that i knew to bring with them. Whether it's to a sketch sessions on Tues nights or just to take out with you in general because they're pocket size. My friend Eva [in Austria] had given it to me as a gift roughly around the time started working at Old Navy. So you can imagine how long ago that was. A year later somewhere along the way in 2003/2004 i lost it. I thought someone had picked it up, thumbed through it and kept it or even worst tossed it away. Instead if drawing in it, i used it to wrote poems. I wouldn't call them just any poems but real gritty in the moment words and thoughts that i felt. Yesterday, glad as i could be i thumbed through it again remembering that i had lost some of my best work. here's a quick example of what i was referring to.

Untitled

I examine my words

Before i give flight to them and allow them to fly like birds

Close the pages of your romance novels

Allow the book to rest

I'm going to take your mind on a true journey at best

No more exotic summaries of tales of how love should be, could be or would be

Or tales of rippling muscular guys sensitively seductively taking ladies to place of ecstasy

In no such pages will you find me

Chivalry isn't dead and it doesn't rest in the pages of a book

it's right before you so remember the truth is always the last place you look

Allow me to define within you what romance is

I'll keep the spark alive when others have burnt out and fizz

As we write our own sexual stories together

Passionate nights filled the rumbling of thunder and lightening in the clearest of weathers

ill kiss your mentally with lips that will give birth to imagination

And touch your heart with words that will breathe creation

i remember the girl in question was entranced with romance novels. Feeling a little inadequate and wanting to prove myself i wrote that one.

words on my dear friend Art

I'm a certifiable quote junkie. I love quotes and hard to believe they always don't have to be movie or pop culture either. They just have to be moving and insightful. I was write a friend not to long ago and i tried to fish through a book of quotations that i have to give her some inspiration. We all need some inspiration from time to time and i stumbled upon the topic of art. Since that is something that's near and dear to me i thought i would share some of those thoughts with you.

the object of art is to give life shape - Jean Anouilh

art is a jealous mistress - Ralph Waldo Emerson

All art is autobiographical; the pearl is the oyster's autobiography - Federico Fellini

Art does not reproduce the visible; rather, it makes visible - Paul Kee

A work of art has no importance whatever to society. it is only important to the individual - Vladimir Nabokov

All art is at once surface and symbol. Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril - Oscar Wilde