Sunday, July 29, 2012

Zombies, depression, & me

I know those 3 topics sound like a bad horror movie for the 80s or a poorly written how to book. Still i hope to explain how they are related. Even though this post is going to be another non-art related post,with no art work.  For most of this week i haven't want to do anything close to drawing or painting. Even though i got off at 5pm on Tues i didn't head out to my local drawing group session. I've been beat down, frustrated, upset and depressed, I've come home for work and been in bed well before my normal bedtime. It's been due to me officially being on my final written warning. Trust me, it means exactly what it says. One more slip up, screw up, mess up and they legally can let me go. Just saying that has a numbing effect over me at the moment. I feel that i'm truly in the twilight of my career at my job and no matter what i do it will never be enough. The thought of bills and how i will pay them come to mind as i fight to save my job.
Oddly enough i had a co-worker some time ago that told me that one of his grad school friends was writing a paper. In the paper it showed the connection between the current (or always ) popularity of zombie films and USA financial state. He went on to state that even though we all are struggling in some form to pay bills and get ourselves out of debt that we all find ourselves on a personal island. We feel that we are alone and find it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The same logic might be viewed in zombie movies/shows. The characters try hard to remain alive and even if they are living in a group they still feel alone. It's an individual struggle that comes to the realist thing they can feel.
Depression is like that for me. It's hereditary and has been passed down from my mom's side of the family. Honestly it's had a grasp in some shape or form over my entire family but still it's a personal struggle. It's something i grapple with more when the chips are down then when they're up. Currently it's a little harder than normal to deal with. Since moving i don't have mind-numbing cable tv to drown out the sadness but the good thing is i'm relying on my art to become something positive.

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