Thursday, May 14, 2009

Butterfly Effect



Actually i've wanted to write this blog for sometime. i shyed away from writing it because part of me feels that it will be a little to real ( a little to truthful even for me to handle). It's 3AM and i can't sleep. For the past couple of weeks i find myself falling asleep on the couch watching movies or tv shows. I feel tired on my days off than i do on days when i know have to work. The odd thing is the weather outside is wonderful and gorgeous but still I'm stuck inside looking through my blinds at the world. So i guess you could say i'm in a rut for the moment.
That isn't what this blog is about it's about my confronting my past and the butterfly effect. For those who haven't seen the movie or haven't heard about it; it's a belief that 1 event is connected to another. The most common example being, a butterflies wings flapping will eventually cause an earthquake on the other side of the globe. I'm finding that's how my mind works. It seems that the smallest slights notion can send butterfly like effect throughout my life. My mom gave me some European chocolate and i realized that i use to get that quite regular for an old friend. Now there are no letters, packages, postcards between us not even an occasional email simply nothing. Part of me is extremely sad that i can't control the past. Quite often i yearn to hold onto people that i've lost because i know that i will never get those things back. Those people only live within my mind and that's where i keep them. It's all part of a broken record that fuels my drawings. Each drawing, sketch, poem, and blog are connected to people who barely realize that i'm here.

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