My name is important because.......

This is my customized name tag.
Something i hate wearing because everyone assumed that they are your friend because they can see & say your name... My manager forces me to wear it and in hopes not to rock the boat to much i do. However there isn't any reason why i can't let some of my personality show thru as well. My name even in bold type doesn't have the typical "having fun since 200x" statement because work can't always be fun. The blue sad face is for all the moments at work where i could pull my hair out. There's a laundry list of things that i want to change at work but reality sets in. Hopefully sooner than later one day i will no longer have a job where wearing a name tag is important.

Norfolk Drawing Group 46

I guess this past Tues i was in a "blah" type of mood. Tues was my day off so i actually relaxed and prepared to draw. I simply feel that my technique and style weren't on the same page. I attempted to use some material that i hadn't used in a while and it shows. Above all after being absent for 2 week i needed to be there.

Quite often i wonder if anyone really knows who i am. I know this may sound a little odd, but 'm referring to the truth and honest that most friends have between each other. For example, "you're partying to much, you need to slow it down" or "you truly aren't living up to your potential" is a conversation that friends would have. As the morning drifted from Tues night into Wed morning Nichole had one of the conversations with me. Everything that she said was so direct and true that i couldn't deny it. Who knows maybe one day I'll share that conversation with others but as for now i simply need to let it sink in.

What may come of Dreams

(this is a sketch i did for a friend Eric)

I would say i'm glad that i can't sleep at this moment. The last 2 days i took a nap i had some pretty scary dreams. They were both dealing with the past and someone i once knew. I hate dreaming because quite often you awake more confused before you laid your head down. I know dreams never literally mean what they're suppose. This time i question that logic because both dreams forced me face the fear of gaining something and losing it. I always knew those thoughts were in the back of my mind but why must i face them now. I foolishly attempted to reach her even though i knew she wouldn't respond. I'm use to those responses by now which in some circles would make me a pro. It's 2 am and i find myself taking a break from drawing to hopefully hold on dreaming just a little while longer.

"Kobe Doing Work" (pic & sketches)

I have a lot of respect for Kobe Bryant. I think it's one of the most mentally touch people that i know. I say that because a couple of years ago. During his teams march to the NBA Finals he had extra martial affair that landed him in trouble. Even as he was flying to court to talk about this personal matter and returning to LA to play a game. It showed me how under control of his own emotions that he was. Even now with the talk by his own management team that he isn't the face of the NBA. Kobe still continues to perform well . I only hope that i can gain this sense of self control.

"The River (pics & sketch)"

i wanted to do something that i haven't done in a long time. That's use lots of images to create one huge collage. These overlapping drawing were throughout my sketch pad in high school. Unfortunately over the years i've gotten away from doing it. The last one i can truly remember doing was for a girlfriend that i was dating. I wanted to remind her of our special time together. Who knows if she still has it any more or if she even remembered that i did it? That's another story for another time.

ps. these were pictures taken by other during The River Adventure my last time in Richmond. i posted the pictures in the exact order in which i drew them.

Drink Away the Pain

(A couple of Fri's ago my friend Mike had set up a get together at my house only to back out at the last moment. I already had gotten my place cleaned and restocked my frig. So after numerous hard days of work, cheers to myself for surviving.)

I tried my best to convince myself my trip to Rhode Island was going to be a mini vacation. I was flying in on one day and going to spend time with my sister on the next and finally make it home in the early hours Sat morning. If you cut out the middle part that is exactly what happened. The good news is that i finally know how long i can drive by myself which is 11+ hours, but that doesn't change the fact that it was a brutal trip. I have to give my sister Courtney a huge hand for staying up with me the entire trip and keeping me company. She did a fantastic job of doing so. I can't tell if it was worst being stuck in New York & New Jersey traffic for hours or listening to her Ipod r&b playlist. Off hand i would say Courtney's playlist because not only did she tell me the meaning behind each song. I also had time to reflect on my own personal choices when it came to dating. I found myself thinking "oh, this song brings back memories" or "this song reminds me of why i can't stand her." Often i can get a grapefruit personality that i have to find a way to snap out of it. So in the night air when there were few lights outside of cars and gas stations one small emotional bump could have brought it all crumbling down.

"Lucy Pender" (pic & sketch)

i was on an female model/actress/singer website and heard someone mention the name Lucy Pender. I've never heard of her before so i decided to look at some of her photos. She's typically a busty lingerie and bathing suit model but i didn't want to draw or show the obvious. One thing i learned about women is that they don't like for others to point out the most obvious things. There are other ways of complimenting her without saying what we all know. I took that approach when drawing Lucy. It's still a very rough sketch but i'm leaving it alone and have no plans on adding or taking away from the design.

"Heather [in Black & White]" (pic & sketch)

I''ve been experimenting with photos trying to figure how exactly i can work the negative and positive light together. This is an example of me attempting to do so with my friend Heather's photo. It's so so and honestly i might take another stab at it because i know i can do better.

On a side note i've found myself watching the show Cheaters on tv. Not because it's gripping reality tv because it remind me lovers sometime are blind to the facts. I think i'm going to stop watching it until i can permanently stop putting myself into others shoes. I tend to wonder how i would handle a situation where i found out that my lover has been dishonest and honestly i'm not sure....

Damaged and Defective

(i photographed this pic from a movie. hopefully i'll attempt to paint it soon)
As i woke this morning around 3 am , I barely rubbed the last lingering moments of sleep out of my eyes when i read a message that woke me up. I realized that love (or "like" the idea that you're entranced by an individual) is a cruel game that we all play. I know it's has been displayed on tv for the world to see because it has all the things that draw people to continue to tune in. The two player attempt to match up together in a win or you lose situation. . There's no half way point where the judges will have the final ruling because there are no gray areas. When you win, you win huge. The world smile at you and shakes you hand but when you lose. That's a totally different story all together. They thank you for coming out to play and hand you parting gifts. Without ever knowing it, you've heard internally "you've won embarrassment, as well as a unlimited supply of sleepless nights, the 2 in one product regret and bitterness, plus endless tears and all of these things are brought to you by Depression!" The crowd claps and you walk off the stage wondering what you will do next.
On a similar note i spoke with a co-worker yesterday about her love life. She told me about the conversation she had with a guy she was seeing. He confessed his love for her and she told me "well why don't you hold onto those words for a later time" because it's too soon. I chucked at the fact that what she said to the guy was harsh. Behind my laugh was i knew the truth, she really wasn't that crazy about him as he is about her. I've been given and gave similar speeches before and it stings no matter how it comes across.

Jaelynne (pics & sketches)

I know i've mentioned numerous times that i love going to Richmond. My trips up there have been more of my little mini getaways. I'm not sure if it's the atmosphere or the simple fact that i always have a good time. The last time had more adventures than i could squeeze into a 1 blog let alone several. It seems like each time someone new and interesting is added to mix. One of the people that i met was JaeLynne. I had a chance to talk with her as i lost more weight sweating than i can ever remember doing previously. It was a wonderful day upon a rock by the river that would be hard to forget.

"Keli" & "Wendy" (pics & sketches)

I began borrowing my friends photos as a way on practicing and the more i draw the more other's want me to draw me. I have no problem at all sketching people because it's a sketch. It's really nothing professional at all just a rough draft. These are some people that i use to work with at Old Navy that requested my services. I hope i did them and msyelf proud.

Butterfly Effect

Actually i've wanted to write this blog for sometime. i shyed away from writing it because part of me feels that it will be a little to real ( a little to truthful even for me to handle). It's 3AM and i can't sleep. For the past couple of weeks i find myself falling asleep on the couch watching movies or tv shows. I feel tired on my days off than i do on days when i know have to work. The odd thing is the weather outside is wonderful and gorgeous but still I'm stuck inside looking through my blinds at the world. So i guess you could say i'm in a rut for the moment.

That isn't what this blog is about it's about my confronting my past and the butterfly effect. For those who haven't seen the movie or haven't heard about it; it's a belief that 1 event is connected to another. The most common example being, a butterflies wings flapping will eventually cause an earthquake on the other side of the globe. I'm finding that's how my mind works. It seems that the smallest slights notion can send butterfly like effect throughout my life. My mom gave me some European chocolate and i realized that i use to get that quite regular for an old friend. Now there are no letters, packages, postcards between us not even an occasional email simply nothing. Part of me is extremely sad that i can't control the past. Quite often i yearn to hold onto people that i've lost because i know that i will never get those things back. Those people only live within my mind and that's where i keep them. It's all part of a broken record that fuels my drawings. Each drawing, sketch, poem, and blog are connected to people who barely realize that i'm here.

"Wendy Meets a Black Man"

I want to start off by saying no disrespect at all to the Wendy's fastfood chain or to Dave Thomas.

I admittedly do a lot of tongue and cheek artwork that blurs lines. I can't tell you how or why i come up with these images but i do. There are 2 parts to this drawing the comical side and the serious side as well. I once read that sometimes in order for you to get your point across you have to use certain tools until all is out in the open.

There is no mystery to anyone that for the past couple of years the Wendy character from the food chain has become more animated. She is now more across, motioning, as well as winking in their TV ads now. Wendy is no longer the homesome character that they created. Understandably with time she had to change as well. Therefor i came up with an mental idea that hopefully some will understand. Eventually everyone will attempt to break away from the rules that their parents has stressed to set in order to learn more about themselves. Everyone one has experimented and some experiment more than others. So what if Wendy had left the comfort of her red circle and just so happened to become interested in a black guy? Just what if they shared a sensual moment together? I joke among dating African American is "that once you go black you never go back!" which means you never want to stop dating African Americans.

That was the comical side now to how it is a direct reflection of my life. I was out with friends at a bar and a female friend asked me "do i like white girls?" I don't color classify anyone girl that i like or that i chose to date. I date women and yes i have dated girls from different ethnic backgrounds that aren't my own. I've even dated black girls who were raised with different values than the ones that i have. I know this may sound very cliche but i try to date people who are level head and have good values. Don't get my wrong it doesn't always turn out that way but i try what i can. By nature i'm an artist who doesn't like to get caught up in a world of 2 colors. I'm exploring in hopes that i can learn more about myself and i encourage everyone else to do the same.

A Little Better

I wanted to take this moment to blog about what i felt this past couple of days. As some may know i've been on vacation and spent time with friends as well as made new ones. But the music stops as it often does and i find myself reflecting upon any and everything. This is a silly thought that pops into my head often but i wonder when people see me for who i am? I'm not sure because quite often i want certain people within my life to see me but they don't. I pinch myself and i'm not a ghost but i'm actually here. There are no messages, emails, or letters simply me as i'm left to my own thoughts.

On a side note i also had the chance to watch 2 movies that opened my eyes a little bit. "7 Pounds" which everyone and their mother that i knew had a crying experience with (expect me). I also had a chance to watch the martial arts movie "Redbelt" which main point for reasoning was that no situations was inescapable when you reason your way through situations. Those 2 movies make me want to be a better person and to think effectively about life in general.

Yes i own a Sarah R. Original!!!

I had a chance to spend a little time with Sarah this past week on our typical coffee date in which i don't drink coffee at all. An odd fact but true. This was actually the 2nd week in a row we actually got together. That normally doesn't happen more than once a month. I know she has various reasons to like Barjo by ODU and i find myself agreeing with them. It's a mixture of people having conversations with others looking importantly busy. The keyword would be "looking" especially during final week. I know it was spring/summer weather outside but the little kid within me was craving a hot chocolate with whip cream and marshmallows. By no sketch of the imagination was that "the gangster" thing to get but i wanted it.

(the sketch to the right is Sarah attempting to work out an idea for some drawings for a friend while i attempt to help her)

"Stephanie Say Cheese!" (pic & sketch)

Stephanie is yet another one of my co-workers that i've recently sketched. Actually i hope she doesn't beat me up due to that fact that i drew her friend Melissa before her. I enjoy working with her because most of the time she isn't politically correct when it comes to various topics but that's what i like. Her open-ness on topics that i wish i sometimes had the freedom to comment on as well.

Norfolk Drawing Group 45

I wish i could squeeze all the feelings and emotions that i've felt over the past couple of days into this small space but i can't. I hide them somewhere inside a sketch journal that's i've neglected for well over a week. I feel guilty to admit that i've been searching for a muse but i have. A driving force to help and force me to create but i simply can't find it. So lazily i watch tv and movies that i've seen 1 million times in the hopes that it will force to awake. I was able to realize that i don't take enough risk in life. I'm comfortable to just allowing things to work itself out. I should be the person who rocks the boat a little. Perhaps i'm like most people and i think to much. One a random side note Bruce Lee said "don't think, do.." There is a difference between thinking to much and not simply acting.