Am I Temperamental?

"Temperamental artist" is a term that i heard someone use when describing me. At the time i tried to play it off as if i was going through one of my down spells. I finally realized that i am exactly that. I watch movies to much almost as much as i draw. The bad thing is that i almost seem to catch the movies i need to see at all the right times. Last night it was Rules of Attraction, which dealt with love, suicide, drugs, and college life. Today there was Jealousy which dealt with a boyfriend tried to uncover his girlfriends past which was about jealousy, cheating, secrets, trust. More related to who i am i watched a movie about Van Gogh staring Eli Roth. I realized a huge part of being an artist is seeing the world differently and behaving to it in such a manner. I am dysfunctional because i am to in touch with my emotions. Plus i don't believe that my thoughts and beliefs are the same as others.

I actually felt down today at work as i had one huge revelation. I was thinking, am i truly where i'm suppose to be right now? That question has no answer but i don't feel appreciated. I just feel empty.

"One Day..."

(this is a poem that i wrote for someone but i eventually had to rewrite)

Over the last couple of days and weeks many ideas have rolled around in my head. I have come to a grand conclusion though. I can't be the "nice guy" any more. I don't want it to appear that one person has broken my spirit because she didn't but a collection of people have. A little here and more there and eventually it all has a larger impact on the whole. I use to be the guy who brought roses, wrote poems, letters, and even created sentimental gifts. Honestly i can't see myself putting myself on display like that any more. No offense to anyone.

"Crystle in [Process Red] color pencil (pic & sketch)"

I could always state the obvious about Crystle but instead i will tell you what i like best about her. Most people with whom you would associate the words "pretty" aren't always down to earth, but she is. Which almost makes me wonder why guys feel shy away from her. Crystle is also extremely humble which is a quality that i admire.

At work I can never call Crystle, simply by her name. It's a bad habit of always calling her by her entire name or last name. It almost gives me the impression that she's in trouble by doing so or maybe it's less syllables that make it easier or maybe it's just me. I'm glad to call her not only one of my co-workers but a friend. Even if she does get more cards in a month then i have in 6 years with the company.

Usain Bolt (pic & sketch)

I was like millions of other American glued to the tv set watching the Olympics amazed by the athletes and how important it is always perform at your best. Regardless of who is better on paper or even other events it's a good chance that it only takes 1 mistake all your work is done for nothing.
It goes without saying one of the more interesting stories that didn't involve the U.S team was Usain Bolt. The speed as which he ran hasn't been seen in some time but also his ego hadn't as well. His actions after winning promoting the debate is there such a thing as to much celebrating in a competitive sport. I'm not one to judge if he went overboard but one thing i can tell you is that i don't' know if i would've acted any differently if i had won.

this sketch is created with all the colors of the Jamaican flag with a small hint of brown. I choice to do a caricature style to display how big of an ego he has.

"Craig & Michelle" (pic & sketch)

This tale is a tale that give me hope in my love life. Craig and Michelle both embody what relationships should actually be about; love, support, and understand. All are things that they share and express everyday. The best part about being around them is that their love is contagious. I even wanted to find the love of my life or someone that i could express that much affection with. One of the highlight which i have had a pleasure of experiencing with them is they're co-writing a novel together. That's deep, deeper than any drawing or poem i could ever thing of creating. I hate to admit it but that's why love is. I could tell many interesting stories or experiences that i had with them but that's will be for a later date.

Top 5 songs at this moment in no certain order
1. RJD2 - One day
2. Cake - Where Would I Be
3. Kanye West - Bad News
4. Nina Simone - Don't Explain
5. Tears for Fears - Head over Heels

Lee Van Cleef (pic & sketch)

It's so secret to anyone that i enjoy watching movies. If i don't have to head into work early on Sat morning i'm glued to the tv watching AMC's classic westerns. I like Westerns because of their high sense of morals. The good guy is normally always easily defined and has a strong sense of duty and honor. I feel that those ideas are lost in today's society where there aren't to many black and white values. Of course there are but there are also quite a bit of gray values mixed in as well. If life was a movie then i guess i would be one of the gray characters who understand black, and white but always seems to fall in the gray areas.
Originally i wanted to paint this on canvas but i'm a lazy artist. The amount of time it would take me to get it to a point where i was willing to stop would be weeks from now. Instead i took up a pencil inside Panera this past Mon (i forgot it was a holiday) and began to sketch.

"The Importance of Sarah" (pic & sketch)

God puts certain people in your life for various reasons and that theory is no different when it comes to Sarah. Over the years i've had numerous females friend sometimes we had a perfect working friendship while others went sour over time. Sarah at this moment is one of the closest female friends that i've ever had. It's hard to put into words how many stories about my past i've told her. Most of them funny but there has also been some serious stories thrown into the mix as well. Not once did she shy away and attempt to throw a straight jacket on me. It's good for me to have a female point of view on certain situations that i can't always go to my sisters or my mom about. Our conversations help create order out of chaos. I always have a good time with her whether it's drinking tea at Starbucks, or people watching at Norfolk's Fairground or inside a ocean front mexican restruant. . It's effortless when you have someone that your personalities simply clicks with. It also helps that she's a therapist as well.

"Ann: Point to the Person Who Broke Your Heart (pic & sketch)"

*** First before i start this blog i want to make it very clear that Ann did not break my heart**

Ann clearly could be a model if she wanted to but i'm glad she's happy with her career choice. I liked this picture because it had a pin up quality that is hard to find outside of a professional studio. It was playful without being to staged or structured. I wanted to create a story about a guy who's heart was broken sitting in a police station picking out the culprit. There she leaned against the wall with the air of coyness. Only if you could do that in real life, wouldn't that be a little crazy?

Over the past couple of weeks i've been given a lot of emotionally charged blogs but this will be my last for a while. It's no mystery i'm single because my last friendship didn't work out. Under normal circumstances i would be bitter, angry and fill an overwhelming need of revenge. Those feelings aren't there and i get a cheapen effect on having closure. The good news is that i've made a decision to commit 100% to my craft. I have 3 self project/ self portraits that i need to create in order to begin the healing process. My goal is to dig deeper within my personal life to gain a greater understand of myself. Perhaps after those pieces are completed then i'll be able to reevaluate myself before trying my luck at dating again.

"Jack out the box" (pic & sketch)

Jack is one of the member from my always interesting Tues Drawing Group. Before, during, and after each drawing session there always seems to be a chance to interact or learn more about each other through stories. Jack as i believe most people do has plenty. Each week i see him and he's set up with his table, water bucket, and canvas paper and he paints he's free spirited gestures. What i like most about his artwork is it's colors and his usage of color in small but nice dash like lines. It's almost like a playful "guess what shape this is" type of way. In between his painting he almost always become inspired enough to write poetry. Good poetry, that shows he is a true Renaissance man. This yet another person that i strive to be like.

Kat, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering (pic & sketch)

Kat, i wish i could say something about Kat that wasn't positive but i can't. Overall she is a person with a kind heart and i fantastic spirit. Even if she is from the Dominican Republic, just kidding! Kat is an amazing artist that was kind enough to share some of her drawing with me and she's also an accomplished graphic artist. Wow, i wish i had more formal training in the graphic arts, but i'll simply stick to the things i can feel and touch. I'm simply proud of the fact that no matter what is going on around her she's always fun and upbeat. So often people get dragged down by the worries and concerns in life. It's very hard to say positive but she does. Based only on that fact i wanted to draw/sketch a picture of her. Not because she was pretty but because she was a beautiful person.

"Shun (pic & sketch)"

Shun is one of the cooler people i work that i had a chance to talk without outside of Old Navy. Not to say that one person is any better or any worst but we have a lot in common. Anyone who has a extensive knowledge of wrestling is a friend of mine.
This is another attempt by me to play around with photos, the good part about it is that it took me 3 attempt to actually get his face to finished stage. Every time i used my camera to take the picture and post it i noticed that something was slightly off. After that happening numerous time it's get a little old. The worst part about this sketch is there is no flash and the color of the paper looks faded but is actually the same color as the sky blue in this under shirt.

Bernard "I'm a Doctor" (pic & sketch)

Bernard is one of the artist in the group that i strive to be like. I say that not because i'm envious of his talents but because it's extremely rare for him to make a bad drawing/sketch. He's part of the reason why i draw as much and as often as i do. Being surrounded by such great artist how could you not want to better yourself? In theory he is like a doctor who using pencils and oils as his tools.

Since i'm slightly on the topic of art, i will share my experience this past Wed at a Career Fair at Booker T Washington High School. I was invited by my friend James (who use to work with me at Old Navy) to come out. What really surprised me was how many students were actually curious about my artwork and about drawing. It's been almost a year since i've showed any of my pieces publicly outside of this blog. I didn't quite know how the set up was going to be like so i brought sketch pads, a painting, drawing that i had done over the past couple of years. All the things i could think of just in case they it was a form or booth setting. I really just wanted to show them that i do this for therapy not for money. People actually wanted to know what was the meaning behind this piece of work and why did i choice to draw this. One girl asked about every piece and came to the grand conclusion that i was looking for love. I replied of course, who isn't?
It was spiritually uplifting to talk with kids about who i am and what i love. The fair ended at 12:30pm and i didn't live until almost 2 because i was wrapped up in the moment. Everyone wanted to stop and chat about drawing and sketching, or some to see if i really was that good. They were amazed to see how quickly i could sketch. I guess me hanging out Tues nights doing 15, 20 min poses actually paid off.

So what did you do on V-Day..

actually i got this thought from my friend Sarah. A quick recap of my day.

8:00 am, woke up.. couldn't sleep, Darn the insomnia!

8:30 am, got a call from work, not to come into 12 instead of 10 due to them not wanting to pay me overtime

8:45 am, texted a friend happy Valentine's Day, never got a reply :-(

10:30 am, finally woke up for work after laying back down

11:30 am, finished buying clothes i don't need at Greenbrier's store.

12:07 pm , i'm at work, plenty of cashiering, followed 2 shoplifters out of our store, help numerous customers, hate wearing my name tag, felt extremely silly wearing red & white

7:15 pm, meet Sarah (my best female friend) for coffee at Barnes & Noble in which time we shared stories about our unfulfilled love lives.

9:15 pm, got home to watch what was left of NBA All star Saturday Night as well as finish 3 pieces of artwork.

11:34 pm watched one of my many dvds on my "must watch" dvd stack.

The funny thing is that i actually had one of the Starbucks girls gave me a compliment that was the bright spot of my day. She said she was impressed by how happy i always was every time she came into our store. So impressed that i made her want to become a better person when it comes to customer service. She must not know me to well...lol

"Don't Explain"

is a powerful song by Ms. Nina Simone. I enjoy listening to that song because it reminds me how easy it is to get tired of hearing people lie. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and i feel that i haven't been completely honest with my blogs so far but this time i will be. Tomorrow is a day that holds many interesting memories as well as some highs and slows. My worst memory would be i purchased 2 tickets on the Spirit of Norfolk for a romantic dinner cruise, send flowers to her job only to find out that she blew me off to make plans w/ her ex. That was one of the last times i've ever attempted to be romantic w/ a female. My best memory would be one Valentine's Day my mom had brought me about 5 or 6 Nintendo games. I remember being won over by the simple fact that my mom was fascinated with her little boy's happiness. I'm not sure if i feel that way now.

I woke up this morning and forced myself to watch Feast of Love. It's a romantic comedy that pulls and tugs at my soul but i know sprinkled throughout the movie is little bits and pieces of myself. I wouldn't say i was sobbing or crying but tears did flow as i found myself in the movie. I learned a lesson that i had forgotten over time. Everything you need to know about a relationship you can find out in the beginning. I'm currently not in a relationship nor am i even dating, but still i thought of someone. Someone that claims she wants to get to know but never makes an effort. I almost get the impression that she would call every friend in her phone...then me. That's not a relationship, friendship, or even acknowledgement. The odd thing is that she will probably read this blog and change her behaviors for 2 or 3 days only to forget about it. Almost as simply as a one finger backspaces and delete words. I actually wrote her a poem today, but it was to childish for me to post so the world will never see it. I'll leave you with a quote that i found about love:

"I am two fools, I know,
For loving, and for saying so
In whining Poetry." - John Donne, "The Triple Fool"

"Nichole's Atomic Bomb (pick & sketch)"

Nichole is a character all to herself. I would say that one person outside of Mark that i can always count on to have an interesting story it would be her. She defined and embodies what Tues nights are about with the group, that's fun. I love her style and her energy that she has. I wish i could bottle that up myself but it just isn't possible. As an artist i'm impressed by her understanding o the medium that she uses and her application of it. Nichole also has a habit of creating some of the most interesting free hand drawn breast. So much in fact that Mike of the group members gets about a "boob" drawing each session.
The story behind this photo is that Nichole and Emily were playing around with one of the other artist's clay slabs. I guess the original speaks for itself but i wanted to do something interesting with this photo. I had envisioned that i would draw this photo and use the 3 little pigs in the background. I didn't have large enough paper to support such a thing. So i believe the atomic bomb fits nicely into this image.

Owen (pic& sketch)

It's hard to believe that when you look and all the achievements of others that you can almost live through them for a slight second. This is one of those times. I looked at Owen's pictures while he was on tour in Europe spreading God's message through singing and i was floored. Not because he was following his dream but because he doing huge positive stride. Everyone can't say that what they do everything in their career makes a difference but he does. More importantly he gets paid for doing something that he loves, that idea alone is carries more admiration.
This pic is actually one of his backstage pictures he took. I was drawn to it because of his pose and the shirt we worn. I sketched it quickly as i watched during a career fair.

Norfolk Drawing Group 40

It's hard to believe that i've been to 40 sessions of drawing, sketching and panting but i have. This night was a good night to draw, perhaps because i unwind with a co-worker and 2 tall beers before heading out to the group. I felt loose and that's something that all artist need to feel in order to create good art. Brandy whom i've never met but heard stories about was a fantastic model. The best part was that she was pregnant something that i normally don't get a chance to draw that often. I'm not complaining simply because all the models are fit or healthy but it was a nice change of pace. Even though i showed up a little late i wish i had more sketches to show. I even had a chance to help out a fellow artist find his style. Believe it or not that's one of the hardest thing to grasp as an artist. Your personal style is very important to drawing make your artwork noticeable immediately.

Norfolk Drawing Group 39

As mentioned in my last blog, i'm not a painter, but this night was painting night. I thought the easier medium for me to try out would be watercolors. I used them because no matter how bad i mess up and i can always go back with color pencils and fine tune my drawing. It's not as good usage of watercolors as other artist who fully understand how to use it but i'm in training at the moment. Perhaps next week i'm step back and take notes. There are very expression drawing, not the fine craftmanship i usually like to use.

"Blackula" (pic & painting)

Before i even give anyone the impression that i'm a painter i'm not. I'm a drawing who enjoys attempting to paint. Everyone's question is why Blackula? I was watching tv late one night because the only extra channels i get along with my cable subscription are all the Encores. It was on Encore and i had planned on watching it but it was background music while i drew. I understand the fake and over the top nature that the movie presents, but i wanted to do a black exploitation piece. Something i rarely get a chance to do with my artwork. The mood and emotions hit me as i was sitting at home waiting for a friend to call. As you can imagine she didn't call so out of frustration this painting came about. It's funny how life works out that way because this most likely would've been pushed back along with 1 million other ideas.

"If I Only Had A Brain" (Pic & drawings)

My primary function as an artist is to attempt to be clever. Of course it's easy to make easy cookie cutter art work but i don't want to do that. I want to challenge myself and see how creative i actually can be. This is no different from my normal adventure as a pop artist. It's no mystery to all that O J Simpson is in jail for orchestrating a way to get back belongs that he has already given away. He's defense was simple, it's was his stuff. What i find even more puzzling is why he would do something like this when not to long ago he was accused of murder. Perhaps he is attention hunger as most people are who get a small taste of success and fame? I'm not one to judge him on that account. However i can point to a Hollywood movie that displays a character with flaws. The Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz didn't have a brain and i believe the same thing can be said about him.

"Invisible Touches" (pic & sketch)

Another one of my favorite targets to draw is Emily. It's funny one evening after our normal drawing session Mark one of our more vocal members praised Emily as gem among the group. Perhaps he could be right. Emily is special, but then again aren't we all ..lol
I'm attracted to images with personality that give me many angles and directions in which to use my talents. This one is no different. I could have easily do what i normally do and simply fade out her friend and use it as a metaphor for the absence of love. I have been more inspired by my fellow artist in the group that use design elements to create their artwork. This is a very shaky Klimt approach to creating "Invisible Touches"

"Slightly dirty Mark-tini" (pic & sketch)

There's one thing you can always count on every Tues night. That's Mark will at least order 2 slightly dirty martinis. Actually this sketch is an on going experiment of blending photos and caricatures together. He makes things easier because unlike me he's always camera ready with the most interesting faces you could imagine.

Adventures of Silver and Black

I honestly had this picture in my collection for some time and i had no idea what i wanted to do with it. I attempted to sketch it a while ago which it turned out to be such a bad sketch that i hide it even from myself. I stumbled across the picture recently but i didn't know how to use it. I sometimes go on an artist website that i'm a part of and see which techniques and materials artist are using. I forgot the artist's name but he used silver sharpie on black paper and his drawing was actually very impression. I was so inspired that i pictured up this picture and tired to do the same thing. I'm not 100% happy how it turned out but i at least found a new used for the black paper that i have.

Daphne (pic & sketch)

I have found this has been on of the most lack lustered vacations that i had in some time. I say that because i haven't done much of anything at all nor have i or attempted to leave the area. I wanted to use some of the scrap booking paper that i have from some time ago. Plus i had another picture of Daphne that i wanted to draw. Truthfully i did this in about 10 mins due to the fact it's a semi detailed drawing created in her favorite color (which just so happens to be green).

25 random things...

originally i did this 25 random comments about myself. My main purpose was i wanted to vent about the things on my mind. Somethings deserve a redo and i believe this is one of them

1. i have depression and i probably always will

2. i'm an insomniac

3. my first art show was dedicated to all the women that beat me down but didn't break my spirit

4. i find it hard to let go of the past

5. i'm really sentimental type of person

6. i use to lit candles with the belief that in some religious way it help purify my soul

7. i wrote poems and letters to people that will never read them

8. i am a hopeless romantic

9. i find it hard to cry

10. i dated a close friend before

11. i enjoy the quiet times

12. i enjoy reading books but i'm to easy distracted for them to keep my attention

13. i want to travel the world

14. i would live in London if i had any place in the world to choose to live

15. i always dream of being famous but wonder could i handle the pressure

16. i prefer being in a coffee shops over night clubs

17. i want to publish a book of my poetry

18. i want at least 1 piece of my artwork in all of my friends houses.

19. i have lent out a large sum of money with the idea that i will never get it back

20. i refuse to watch romantic comedies even though i have a couple of my dvd collection

21. I'm a messy person but i'm also a clean person too.

22. I am a religious person but haven't been to church in some time

23. i do most of my thinking with my heart instead of my head

24. I've forgot what a woman's touch feels like

25. I believe it can't rain always